Thursday 4th September

Posted by on Sunday 7th September 2003. 2 comments.

Bit of a legendary night all round really.  Things were always going to be good with the long-awaited Super Snakebite Black night finally about to happen, and two of my mates, Jim & Rich from Uni in attendance.

Matt Day turned up with carrier bags full of Special Brew, White Lightening and blackcurrant cordial ready to mix into a lethally potent pint.
Joining in the fun were Matt G and Ian Debbage, with Bhavin and Andy Cullen alongside staying sober.
The Super Snakie B was surprisingly tasty – everyone enjoyed it far more than expected.  The taste of cider is very cleverly masked by the other ingredients.  During the drinking we started texting Charlie (the Mission hater from Richmond).  I think I sent one saying “Quote of the week: ‘Yes, I am gay.  So are all my Richmond friends’, Charles Melly.”  Matt Day decided to give him a call after an insulting reply, and hilariously claimed to be a life insurance salesman called Fred or something.  “Charlie, you’ve recently taken out one of our policies.  I’d like to ask a few questions about the form.  You’ve noted down that you are both homosexual and disabled.  Could you tell me whether you have a physical disability or are mentally retarded, as we have assumed”.  A truly great performance, straight face kept the whole way though despite everyone else in the room in stitches!
James was texted to discover whether he would be out – reply was something along the lines of “Pler fwer blah”.  Given his absence later in the evening I presume this means “No thank you, I‘m going to throw melons at big glass objects instead”.

Two and a bit pints later we were in the Steam, introducing the ‘foreigners’ to 6X and being generally amazed at the size of the beer mats advertising t-shirts saying “6X-Maniac” for sale.  Matt Day had decided to wear my old Commonweal tie which caused much amusement!

We deviously smuggled out a 6X pint glass and left it behind a tree to collect later then headed over to Mission.  5 minutes queuing and we were at the front.  Unfortunately Jim was wearing brown trainers, and despite our pleas, the bouncers wouldn’t let him in.  Jim & I headed back to my house where I grabbed a pair of my shoes, a hefty 2 sizes too small.  There was no way his feet would have survived the night in my shoes, so we made some crafty plans for smuggling his shoes past the bouncers.
After much deliberating we formulated a plan to take one shoe in each, hidden down our trousers by our inner thighs!  Headed back up to Mission, getting through a healthy does of homebrew on the way, and walked straight in.  Once inside, Jim changed back into his shoes and we hid mine under a sofa!

Mission was absolute chaos.  Jim kept himself busy by liberally handing out massive wedgies – so bad that my arse is still in pain today!!!  I also have an imprint of his dental record on my stomach for some reason.  There was the usual drinking and dancing (the first-timers were introduced to Captain Morgan I think).  We had been informed by Matt Day that Captain Morgan’s company made a profit for the first time in 15 or so years - surely down to the fact that it’s hilarious giving people such a repulsive drink!

Towards the end of the night Jim and I started throwing drinks at each other in Coyote.  We were threatened with ejection, so we moved downstairs into Mission, where we continued searching the shelves for bottles with any leftover drink in which we could pour over each other.  Jim then went and bought two bottles of VK, one of which he poured over my head, the other of which he spat at me!  I then walked up to him and spat on his shirt (which we both found hilarious)!  
Unfortunately, some Biffa Girl heard me spit and though it was aimed at her.  I pointed out that you could see the results on Jim’s shirt.  I think then Jim was dancing a bit vigorously and accidentally bumped into the same girl, who started having a massive go at him.  Instead of diffusing the situation, Jim decided to put on his most absurdly slow and patronising voice - “Yes, that’s right dear.  Well done.  Good for you.”
Biffa woman got in a strop and went to tell her blokes, who apparently wanted to fight us or something...  Matt Rich & Matt thankfully stepped in between to calm them down, whilst Jim & I continued to skip around the dancefloor.
Then the music ended and we left pretty quickly, picked my shoes up from under the sofa, and were told by Matt not to hang around as these nobbo guys were still pissed off that I spat at Jim!

The unfortunate by product of all this rush was that we forgot to pick up the 6X glass carefully deposited behind a tree earlier.  Maybe it’s still there now?  Anyway, Jim Rich and I walked home, climbing over the fences on the way, and studiously avoiding any  further trouble.  Rich and I stood in the kitchen for a while drinking water and debating whether to start cooking, whilst Jim headed straight upstairs.  No food was made, and by the time Rich & I were in my room Jim was asleep, fully clothed, on my floor with a box of my old school work balanced on his belly... No idea why.  When he was woken up he made it his mission to get Rich’s boxers off.  Tragically, he was unsuccessful and so the night came to an end.

The main thing to remember about this night is that Special Brew, White Lightening and blackcurrant is a tasty drink that REALLY sorts you out!!!

More of the same next week please!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

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